


I`ll be watching over you

by wishingfluff



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Bisexual, Break Up, Coming Out, Coping, Crying, F/M, I promise, Kind of fluffy at the end, Kinda, M/M, Overdose, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Suicide, Suicide Notes, This isnt as bad as it sounds, Unrequited Love, mostly angst though, or maybe not, read it, who knows - Freeform, youll probs like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishingfluff/pseuds/wishingfluff
Summary: Josh Dun commits suicide, and Tyler finds his letter.





	

The letter, Tyler found the letter first. It was on his door. It was on his god damn door. He should've heard the fucking door.

 

_Dear Tyler,_

Tyler pushed the door open, harshly. He couldn't even scream. He just dropped to the floor. Josh, his best friend, was laying on the floor. There was medication all around him. It was for his anxiety, and for his depression. Oh how ironic. Tyler ran over to his body, and shook it around. No movement. 'JOSH!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!!' He screamed, he screamed for the first time since opening the door. Mark ran in first. Jenna ran in second. There were phone calls made. Everything was a blur.

 

_I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person._

Tyler was shaking, having panic attacks. When the medics arrived, they had to help Tyler as well. He was in shock. He was silent. Jenna was hugging him. He didn't even register the touch. The medic had a soft voice. 'Hey, hey, it's okay. You'll be okay. Settle down,' Tyler burst out in tears. Heavily sobbing, he had to be pulled away from Josh's lifeless body.

 

_I hope you forgive me_

Tyler couldn't sleep that night. The crew was mortified, the show was canceled. The family was contacted. He never wanted to sleep again. He knew he would see Josh in his sleep. He had been crying for over eight hours straight now. Jenna was with him, gently hugging him and making sure he was hydrated. He hadn't even read the letter yet. No one had. But, Tyler did clutch it. He held it. He wanted to hold it forever. Jenna stroked his cheek. 'Hey, you're exhausted, love. You have to go to bed,' Tyler's eyes were glazed over, his voice didn't even work anymore from all the crying. Josh's family arrived. Josh's family stayed with Tyler. No one could calm Tyler down. They had told fans. They had to. Everyone was horrified.

 

_I`m sorry, I couldn`t handle anything anymore._

Tyler fell asleep after 42 hours. It had been exhausting. He didn't dream of anything, yet still woke up in panic. He was shaken, and for one good second, he didn't know why. That's when he saw the note. He took a deep breath, and knew he had to read it. He was still holding Jenna, and gently tried to get out without waking her up. Jenna murmured a bit, and Tyler stopped, but she got back to sleep quickly. Tyler sighed, grabbed the note, and went to Josh's room. A silent place. He turned on the light, and read the letter.

 

_Dear Tyler,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person. I hope you forgive me. I'm sorry, I couldn't handle anything anymore. Thing is, I've never told you this, but I'm-_

 

Tyler couldn't read anymore words. He cried into what once was Josh's pillow. He prayed. Tyler always prayed. 'Please god, I-I just want Josh back. P-please,' Jenna had woken up, and opened the door. 'Hey, hey,' her voice was soft, it was comforting. Tyler didn't even look up. Jenna hugged Tyler, letting him slowly slump down. He fell asleep about 45 minutes after. Jenna didn't fall asleep. She didn't want to sleep. She had  to look after Tyler now.

 

For the first time in about a week, Tyler checked his social media. There was kindness everywhere. "Guys, we miss Josh, but we should take care of Tyler now. Lord knows how difficult this must be for him. Let's all pray." Tyler smiled at the comment, and liked it. The funeral was planned. Tyler hadn't opened the letter since that night. Josh's mom opened their door. 'Tyler, how have you been?' Her voice, like everyone else, sounded soft. Tyler hated soft voices. They reminded him of Josh. Tyler opened his mouth, but closed it again, before answering. 'C-could be better, what about you?' Tyler had a fake smile plastered across his face, everyone could tell. 'H-heh, same here. You haven't read the letter yet, have you?' Tyler shook his head, and cracked his knuckles. She hugged him, and got up. 'I'll see you at the funeral,' The funeral. Tyler had forgotten about the funeral. He needed to read the letter before the funeral. He grabbed the letter, and went to Josh's room again. It was 3 AM. Everything was dark. He opened the letter, and started reading, trying not to break down.

 

_Dear Tyler,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person. I hope you forgive me. I'm sorry, I couldn't handle anything anymore. Thing is, I've never told you this, but I'm not straight. I've always been bi. I know you don't like gay people. I'm sorry. I'm so happy you found Jenna. She makes you happy. I want you to be happy, because I love you. I love you more than a friend should. Ever since we met. When you met Jenna, you seemed so happy. Your scars became less, your smiles were there more. I tried to distract myself with Debby. I loved her, too. She wasn't you. I wanted you. I know I'm horribly selfish. Please don't cry. If you still accept me even after all I've done, I'll be watching over you. I'll always watch over you. Continue the band, please. People need you. I need you. You can tell the clique this, you can read it out loud, they deserve to know. I want the clique to know that I'll watch over them. Every single one. I love you, clique._

_I love you, Tyler._

_-Josh_

 

Tyler broke down. He knew he was the reason Josh wasn't here anymore. He thought he wouldn't be accepted by him, his best friend, his _crush_. Crush, such a weird word. Tyler didn't think much about it when Josh came home drunk at 3 AM, and wanted to cuddle. He thought he just needed physical contact, and he had given it. He should've known. He could've known,  the blush on Josh's face, when he had to excuse himself from the wedding, it was all coming together. Why didn't he know? He should've known. He should've known. 'I should've known,' he whispered softly, still sobbing into the nearest pillow. 'It's my fault,'

 

The funeral was calm, quiet. No one dared to talk. He was buried. Tyler was holding flowers. White roses. He smiled at the memory. When he realized that that might not have helped at all, he stopped smiling. No one noticed. No one wanted to notice. Jenna held Tyler's hand. Tyler didn't cry. He wish he did. He couldn't.

 

He had to share the letter, to someone, anyone. The clique. They deserved to know. Josh had wanted them to know. He prayed. 'Josh, Josh if you really are watching over me, I'm so sorry. I should've noticed something was wrong when you started eating less and and, your smile wasn't making your eyes crinkle anymore and you looked so sad and sick I should have noticed. I'm so sorry, I accept you, Josh. I accept you, because we are still best friends. You should've told me, baby boy. You really did,' of course, there was no answer. Tyler posted the photo online. The reactions weren't angry. Just full of love, and support.

 

A year later

The lights went black, screams everywhere. Tyler breathes, once, twice, before opening the curtains. Tyler noticed the cheers, the signs, everything. He got up, walked towards the microphone, and started singing. A song that he hadn't played live in quite a while. Everything had been quite a while. 'Ruby I hope I see you, I've waited all this week,' cheers erupted, Tyler didn't even notice. He looked at a drum set. He didn't know what to expect, but for one second, he saw light. Light with a form. Josh. Josh was sitting on the drums, playing the drums, looking at Tyler. Tyler shook his head, and he was gone. He knew it was Josh. It had to have been Josh, because two seconds later, he felt someone wrap arms around him, and he could've sworn he heard a voice. 'I'm so proud of you, Tyler. I knew you could do it. I knew they could, too. I'm watching over you, over them. I love you,' Tyler's voice choked up, as he started singing another song. 'We don't believe what's on tv,' the crowd went silent. Tyler was crying. 'Because it's what we want to see,' all the phones in the crowd were turned off. 'And what we want, we know we can't believe,' it wasn't an awkward silence. It was full of sympathy, and understanding. -Tyler couldn't finish the song. He sat down, hands covering his eyes. There was no sound. Until, there was. It was a soft voice, from the crowd. 'It's okay, we understand. We still love you, Tyler.' Tyler opened his eyes. The crowd was looking back at him. Tyler smiled. 'W-we are in this together guys. We can do i-it. For Josh!!' Tyler stood up, roaring Josh's name trough the crowd. Everyone cheered. Tyler ended the concert after singing trees.

 

'Josh, my baby boy. I know you can hear me, love. Thank you for being here. I know you're here. Truth be told, I do miss you. I do miss cuddling. I wanted to kiss you and- maybe I am not straight. I-I broke up with Jenna, it was too much. I can barely handle the guilt, and I wish you were just in my arms again. C-can I sing something for you? I know you can't answer, but if you don't want to listen, just leave, okay?' Tyler picked up His ukulele, and cleared his throat. 'T-this is a new one, Joshie. I hope you don't hate it. I hope you don't hate me,' Tyler sat down, and started singing. It was a sad song. A song about regret, love,  and mixed feelings. 'Ever since I saw you, in the small forest, I've been thinking. Thinking what I could've done. Thinking that I am so wrong, oh, you're angel marks leave the world by storm. Why isn't it the norm, why isn't it the norm? Oh, I wish you weren't gone. I wish I could hold you one last time-'

 

Tyler  wrote about Josh every single night, helped him cope. He knew Josh was watching over him, making sure he was safe. Tyler loved Josh. Josh loved Tyler. And Jenna was knocking on Tyler's door. 'Coming,' Tyler said, as he opened the door. 'Jenna, it's been so long,' Jenna had a smile on her face. 'Y-you're not mad at me, are you?' Jenna shook her head. 'You left a picture at my house, and I wanted to give it to you,' Jenna explained, handing a picture over to Tyler. It had two people on it. Tyler, and Josh.  And a small note. 'I have to go now, bye Ty! Make sure you keep drinking water!' Even though Tyler and Jenna weren't dating, they were still quite close.

 

50 years later.

Tyler was old. Everyone was old. Tyler had lived a good life, but he knew it was time to go. He had lived a full life, done his last show just a month ago. He didn't remarry, he couldn't. He helped so many people. Jenna remarried, to a lovely husband. They remained close, even when they were old. Tyler was determent to live his life, if only for Josh. Tyler held Jenna`s hand when she passed away. Tyler knew his time was up. He closed his eyes one last time, and prayed. He fell asleep, he never woke up.

 

And when he arrived at those gates, he could only hear one thing, see one thing, feel one thing.

 

Josh.

**Author's Note:**

> tysm for reading!!! comments and kudos make my day <33
> 
> ig: kittyjosh  
> tumblr: wishingfluff


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